Tribbling
by Swing-21
Summary: Star Trek one-shots, ideas, drabbles. Most of them of the Kirk and Spock variety.
1. Smart is sexy

Disclaimer: Not mine. I WISH I could make money out of this.

AU: I got a couple of Star Trek plot tribbles eating and making baby plot tribbles in my head. I'll be placing them here. Most of them are probably going to be K/S, just to warn you. Oh yeah, this is unbetaed and English is not my first language, so you'll be warned.

* * *

**I**

**Smart is sexy**

(In which James T. Kirk knows how to appreciate intelligence.)

* * *

'Very well, Captain. We shall let the prisoners go.'

The whole bridge let out a small breath of relief. Jim stood proud, his eyes cold and defiant.

'I want your word that they're okay,' he stated.

'No harm has come to them.'

'And the city?'

'We're unlocking our phasers now.'

'Confirmed, Captain,' came Spock's voice from over the science station.

'Good. You're a reasonable man, Treloq.'

'And you're completely crazy, Kirk,' ground out Treloq.

'Why, thank you,' grinned Jim. 'Now, let me beam up my crewmembers, before we get impatient.'

Treloq muttered something unflattering in his native tongue and cut off the connection.

'The shields came down, Captain,' called Spock.

'Good,' he nodded smashing the armrest buttons with gusto. 'Transporter room, beam up the away team.'

'Aye sir.'

'Captain to Sickbay. Bones, get ready.'

''bout damn time. Everyone there?'

'All heads accounted for. Nothing serious, but check them up just to be sure. I'll be there in a moment.'

'Sure thing, Jim.'

The Captain lifted his head and let out a long and weary sigh. He had been awake for the last thirty six hours at least and had taken no break ever since the first Joktossian ship had appeared on their radar. His posture betrayed his exhaustion at being kidnapped, threatened, fired at, yelled at, lied to and stressing over the safe return of the other captives. But his eyes were alight with victory and satisfaction. Said eyes fell on Spock, where they burned with something that almost made the Vulcan shiver.

'Glad this is over,' he told the crew. 'I wanted to say that you're all awesome and if I could, I'd marry you all.'

Uhura snorted and Chekov let out a chuckle that seemed to deflate his nervousness. Spock lifted an eyebrow.

'I doubt that this would be legal, Captain.'  
'Hm, I'm pretty sure it'd be doable on some Orion planet,' he grinned. 'But I'll leave the heartfelt declarations in your commendations, guys. If the Admiralty ever accepts my idea of handing out the James T. Kirk medal of Awesomeness, you'll be the firsts to receive it.'

'Gee, thanks Captain,' snorted Sulu.

'No need for such sarcasm, Mister Sulu. Here, have the com. I'll be in Sickbay. Mister Spock? With me.'

Spock graciously stood up and followed his Captain without betraying a single emotion. They entered the turbolift and stood side by side. Then the doors slid shut.

And Jim's mouth was on his.

'Damn, you're hot,' he said between kisses.

Spock had the good sense to press the emergency stop before grabbing Jim's buttocks and pressing their hips together. They were already half hard, which was no surprise.

'You're so, so smart,' breathed Jim against his mouth. 'Oh god, when you started to explain your plan to get inside their network and installing a computer virus, I was ready to rip your clothes and fuck you right there, bent over your station.'

'That would have been most inappropriate at the moment, Captain,' commented Spock, sneaking his hands up Jim's tattered command shirt.

'If you keep coming up with such incredible plans, I won't be accountable of my actions,' groaned Jim, pressing their hips together. 'Damn, you were reciting the code sequence and I had to stop myself from jacking off to your dirty talk.'

'I will never fully understand what arouses you so,' said Spock before licking a trail from Jim's collarbone to his ear.

'You, Spock,' growled Jim. 'You turn me on, you and that incredible mind of yours. I can't believe you found a way to hack into their system and render the whole fleet useless. Damn, Spock, if it weren't for you, we'd have lost the away team, the ship and the whole planet- Hm, Spock!'

The Vulcan had bitten his neck and was busy licking it. It would easily be mistaken as one of Jim's numerous new bruises, as long as Doctor McCoy didn't look too closely.

'You were very efficient in your way, Jim,' he grunted between two licks. 'In a very arousing manner.'

'Oh yeah?' asked Jim, unzipping Spock's fly.

'Indeed. Seeing you bluff and intimidate your way through Joktossian culture, greed and stubbornness was a very enlightening experience. Your stance and your fearless leadership always wakes the most… Vulcan part of me.'

'I thought it would be your human part,' said Jim before taking two of Spock's fingers inside his mouth.

Spock gasped, but managed to keep talking.

'No Jim, I meant the primal Vulcan in me. Proof of your brilliance makes my blood boil and the appeal of your bold command are difficult to resist.'

'In short, I'm a bad ass motherfucker and it turns you on,' grinned Jim.

'Indeed.'

In return, he got a kiss that stole their breath away. A hand tried to slid past Spock's underwear but was quickly stopped.

'Jim- Captain-' tried Spock between kisses. 'We must go to Sickbay to debrief the away team and see to your wounds.'

'Don't wanna,' growled Jim, biting Spock's lower lip.

'We can resume this tonight, where there are less chances of interruption and more available horizontal surfaces.'

'Hm… alright, alright.'

He detached himself and grinned at his First Officer.

'Sorry for starting this and leaving you high and dry. It's just that your brain is fucking sexy.'

'I am still amazed at your liberal use of this word,' said Spock while rearranging his clothing.

'In this case, I literally meant: your intelligence gives me boners,' grinned Jim.

Spock lifted an eyebrow and waited for his Captain to get his composure back. He then restarted the turbolift. Jim was watching him like a hawk and it threatened to shatter his Vulan mask once again. He tried to divert Jim's attention by returning to the matter at hand.

'Captain, if I might make a suggestion concerning the Joktossian pirates. While hacking their systems, I took the liberty to install a subroutine that would monitor their communications and filter all the ones containing some pre-selected key words. Anything incriminating containing these key words will be sent to Starfleet command and the Jocktassian government simultaneously. This would be useful in an attempt to discredit the pirates and bring them to court-'

He saw the movement, guessed Jim's intention and let himself be smashed to the wall and kissed thoroughly.

'God- Spock, you have no idea-'

Suddenly, Jim fell to his knees and fumbled to open Spock's zipper.

'Your cock. In my mouth. Now, Commander.'

Spock had the good sense to press the emergency stop button. Again.


	2. Wake up call

AN: This is stupid.

* * *

**II**

**Wake-up call**

**(In which Klingons learn not to mess with coffee deprived humans.)**

* * *

The Enterprise shook violently. The sound of the explosion reverberated through the ship. Jim was practically thrown out of bed. An attack, his brain supplied. They were under attack.

Immediately, Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise woke fully and started making plans and deductions, while the Jim part busied itself by scrambling for the clothes he'd left laying everywhere on the floor. Usually he was tidier, but some circumstances the previous night had switched his priorities.

Another hit threw him to the floor. The lights went off, but the red emergency lights kicked in a moment later. He found his other boot, pulled it on, grabbed his uniform shirt and ran out of the room, not waiting for Spock who had probably been in the shower at that moment.

The hallways were crowded by crewmembers walking dutifully to their battle stations. The alert screeched a sinister rhythm, Jim's feet dancing to its music. It looked that the whole ship was affected by the power outage if the reddish lights were of any indication.

A Lieutenant was holding the turbolift for him. In the few moments before getting to the bridge, he managed to zip his fly, tuck his black shirt in, pull on his command shirt and comb his fingers through his bed head. The doors swished open.

'Who are the idiots that pulled me out of bed?' he thundered.

'Klingons, Sir,' answered Scotty, getting up from the chair.

'Great, Klingons on my day off. Now, how come they're still alive?'

'Cloaking device, Keptain,'piped in Chekov. 'Ve did not see them coming, but zhey appear when zhey shoot. I am being triangulating zeir trajectory now.'

'And our shields?'

'Sewenty nine percent.'

'Uhura, anything?'

'Nothing Captain. They are not answering to our hails, either. All frequencies are blocked.'

At that moment, Spock stepped out of the turbolift and marched to the science station to relieve the Ensign posted there during gamma shift. He was calm and professional, but Jim couldn't help but notice that he was only wearing his black undershirt.

'Mister Spock?'

'It is a Klingon bird of prey, no official identification. Their ship is archaic, there is a 67% chances we are dealing with pirates.'

'Goddamn Klingon pirates,' groaned Kirk. 'They'll learn soon enough that you don't pull me out of bed by shooting on my ship!' Then, as an afterthought: 'Oh yeah, and that you don't attack a Federation ship.'

Uhura rolled her eyes.

The fight was quick and efficient. Soon enough, the bird of prey had lost their shields, warp power, and was under the lock of the Enterprise's phasers. Their leader, an old male Klingon that actually wore an eyepatch, mother of all clichés, was displayed on the center screen.

'You fight well, Kirk,' he said with reluctant respect. 'We Klingons thought that you were soft hearted, when you offered his life to the destroyer of Vulcan. But I see that you are ruthless and fierce.'

'Don't mess with a guy before his first cup of coffee,' growled Kirk.

'You won this battle. What are your demands?'

'We don't want anything to do with you, seriously. You're the ones that absolutely HAD to shoot the shiny Federation ship, even though your tiny bird of prey is obviously no match for the Enterprise!'

'A victory against such improbable odds would have been glorious. In defeat, we still retain our honor. Now, state the terms that would satisfy you.'

'My only satisfaction is that it'll take you weeks at impulse power to reach anything worth mentioning. That'll give you time to think about the foolishness of shooting at the FEDERATION FLAG SHIP with the space equivalent of a NERF GUN. Now, get out of my sight and go sing my praises to your palls so they'll think twice about pulling that sort of stunt again.'

The Klingon growled something in his native tongue that Uhura chose not to translate and cut the connection. Soon enough, they were limping away at impulse power.

'Fucking Klingon pirates,' growled Kirk. 'Sulu, get us out of here. Rand, coffee. Black.'

The yeoman scrambled to the nearest replicator while they warped away. Kirk pinched the inner corner of his eyes a moment.

'Jim, go back to bed before you give yourself an aneurysm,' ordered McCoy, who had joined the bridge during the battle.

'Not yet, Bones. Gotta warn the Admirality first. A Klingon ship this close to Federation space is not good news. Uhura, patch me through. Rand, that coffee?'

'There, Captain,' said the yeoman, presenting him with a steaming mug of petroleum looking coffee.

Jim drank it and recited a short prayer to the gods. At that moment, regular lighting came back with full force, and everybody winced at the sudden brightness. Seriously, who had thought it a good idea to make the whole bridge white and shiny?

'Scotty, how 'bout a warning next time?' said Kirk to his intercom.

'Aye, sorry Capt'n, ah'll be sure to ask permission next tyme ah want to repair th' ship, how 'bout that?' came the Scottish sarcasm from Engineering.

'Yeah yeah, congrats, you changed the light bulbs,' grumbled Kirk to his mug.

'Jim, huh, what are you wea-' started McCoy.

'Captain, I got Admiral Pike on line,' warned Uhura, interrupting him.

'Alright, patch him through.'

'Captain-' interrupted Spock, his eyes widening in warning.

Christopher Pike appeared on the center screen, looking busy if one took into account the piles of data PADDs occupying his desk. He stood straighter and nodded a greeting, before blinking once at Kirk.

'Kirk? Are you… erm.'

Spock threw the Captain something that stood for a desperate look, for him. Jim ignored it and concentrated on Pike.

'Sorry if I look like shit, sir,' he amended. 'Klingons pulled me out of bed.'

'Klingons,' simply stated Pike, raising his eyebrow. 'Right. And I figure this must be important if you decided to call me about a simple Klingon attack instead of… going back to bed.'

Jim could have sworn he heard Uhura snort, in the background.

'Huh…yeah? I mean, of course, Sir. Chekov, send the coordinates where the bird of prey first appeared. See, Sir?'

Pike received the numbers and all awkwardness disappeared to be replaced by professionalism.

'I see. This is serious. If the Klingons are feeling comfortable enough to attack us that close to our space, it doesn't bode well for us. I hope you made a good impression.'

He seemed to think for a moment, focusing on Kirk. The Captain frowned.

'At least you weren't wearing something more ridiculous, like bunny slippers,' he muttered.

'…Sir?'

'Nevermind, Kirk. I'll send this to Starfleet Command and I'll contact you later.'

'Thank you, Sir.'

'Now… how about you tell me about your sudden career change?'

Okay, now he was sure he heard Sulu snicker. And Bones hide a laugh behind a cough. And Spock was still sending him a look that closed on panicked. And Pike's eyes were laughing at a joke that everyone got but him. He had no choice but to bite.

'Career change, Sir?'

'Yes, your sudden… interest in sciences.'

'I… I don't follow you, Sir.'

'Damnit Jim, look at what you're wearing!' snapped McCoy from the sidelines.

And Jim looked down. And froze.

He was wearing a uniform shirt alright. But it was blue. Science blue. If the color wasn't incriminating enough, it proudly displayed the Science department symbol on the Starfleet insignia. And if THAT wasn't incriminating enough, the Commander stripes on its sleeves made it impossible to mistake the shirt as anyone else's but Spock's.

Shit, he thought. In the red emergency lighting, he hadn't managed to differentiate blue from gold and had taken Spock's shirt instead. From his bedroom floor. Where he'd thrown it the previous evening after taking it off Spock himself. With his teeth. Before they spent the better part of the night having lots and lots of sex. Yeah.

He threw a sideway glance at Spock. His Commander – and hot Vulcan lover- was determinedly not meeting anyone's eyes and was probably trying to repress a shitload of embarrassment and control the amount of blood rushing to his face. Huh, not working, the ears were getting greener. Looked like Jim was on his own.

(At least, it explained why Spock was only wearing his black undershirt. It would have been hilarious if he'd been caught wearing his Captain's golden uniform, but Spock was not into blatant clichés like that. He just suffered them.)

Jim lifted his head and threw a sheepish smile at Pike.

'Sorry Sir, laundry problems,' he smirked.

'That was your only clean shirt?' offered the Admiral with a lifted eyebrow.

'Actually, I had to borrow this one from Mister Spock,' said Kirk, pointing his First Officer with his thumb. 'See, all my other ones got ripped during the away missions. They tend to do that. It drives my yeoman crazy.'

Somewhere in the back, Rand nodded empathetically.

Pike didn't seem to believe it for one moment, if his expression was anything to go by.

'Right. Of course. I'll leave you, then, so you can see to your… laundry problems.'

'Thank you, Sir.'

And the screen went black.

A deadly silence came upon the bridge. Every eye was set either on him or Spock. Shit, that wasn't how he wanted to come out of the crew. To be fair, he hadn't planned to come out at all. Spock was already dying of shame, if the constipated look was clue enough. Pike hadn't believed his little white lie, and neither would his crew.

This moment, this single moment, could change his Captainship.

'Well,' he said loudly, 'I'm glad this is over. I, for one, am going back to bed.'

He stood up, drank the rest of his coffee and marched back to the turbolift. Right before entering it, he turned around, and with a mischievous smile, threw loud and clear:

'Mister Spock? With me.'


	3. Wulcan displays of affection

**Wulcan displays of being affectionate vith each other**

Rated G for generally stupid and useless**  
**

_Note: Reboot style, with references to the TOS episode Meet the Parents, aka Journey to Babel. Shut up Amanda is not dead in this._

* * *

'Meester Spock?'

'Yes, Mister Chekov?'

'I, huh… can I ask a personal qwestion maybe?'

'I depends on how personal, Ensign.'

'Not wery, I theenk. It iz about Wulcan customs.'

'You may ask. I will retain the right to refuse to answer if I see fit, though.'

'That is reasonable. I just vanted to… Erm, I once saw you and Lieutenant Uhura do this…'

Spock lifted an eyebrow as Chekov lifted both hands, the two firsts fingers outstretched. He then touched the extremities of his fingers in a gesture well known to the Vulcan.

'Is this some form of being affectionate vith another person?'

'Indeed. This way of holding hands demonstrates a bond between two partners.'

'Oh, I am getting it now. So eet iz normal that the Mister Ambassador and Lady Amanda are being seen doing this?'

'Yes. It is a fully appropriate gesture in public company. Why, Mister Chekov, did you think my parents were being indulging in public displays of affection unbecoming of their rank?'

'No! No, of course not! There is no need to be looking at me like this, Meester Spock! It vas Sulu vho suggested that they… that they vere kissing each other.'

'I can see the misunderstanding. In fact, Vulcan kissing is very close in nature. It stems from the same gesture, but fingers move against each other, strengthening the mental projection between bondmates.'

'Like this?'

'Indeed.'

Chekov's eyes lit up with understanding and a glint of amusement.

'Then it seems that I vas vrong. Thank you for explaining, Meester Spock!'

'I am glad to be of service, Ensign. If I may, what prompted this line of questioning?'

'A bet Hikaru made vith me. He said that Meester and Lady your parents vere totally making out in the Obserwation room vhen ve saw them. I told him he vas being full of- that he vas being untruthful, Sir.'

'I thank you for your sense of propriety, Mister Chekov. My parents would never-'

'I am being wery sad that I lost the bet, then. Ah vell, it iz only a bottle of wodka less, I have others.'

'…Dismissed, Ensign.'

Without looking back at Chekov's amused smile, Spock started walking towards the quarters assigned to the Ambassador and his wife. He would have a talk with his parents about what was considered appropriate behavior on a ship where _he_ served.

He was First Officer of this ship. He was a Vulcan. And if there was a universal truth, it was that it was always very logically embarrassing to see your parents "make-out" in front of your friends, or crew, in this case.

Spock had the strange urge to cover his eyes and ears and start singing loudly.

* * *

_Author's note: Each time I see Journey to Babel (aka Jim, meet your step parents), I have this vision of Nimoy-Spock yelling "MOM! DAD! Would you stop MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF MY CREW?!?" but in a very logical and repressed way._


End file.
